I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
