Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
