I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
