all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
