I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
