Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
