He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I cut my penus on the lid.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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