I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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