Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
