If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
