Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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