Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
