did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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