we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
