tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
