OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
