I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Boobs are out for the taking
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
