I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
