So drunk its hurt
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I didn't notice because vodka
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
