I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
