I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
