I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
