His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
