Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
