I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
farters have to be the big spoon...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
