we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
