I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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