He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
