i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
