the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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