so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
