Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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