Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
