My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
