Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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