my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
