her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
