i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
