a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
