She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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