Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
