A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
