you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
