You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
