I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
