I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
