Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
