She's JV to your varsity
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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