I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
