Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
