she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We are all done wearing pants today
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
