Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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