just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
