I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
